1. 'Look for Dione', 10 October 2005
After the shamanism workshop, Simon Buxton suggested we contact the returned spirit in our dreams. So I went to sleep with the intent of meeting Black Panther.

The first to arrive is a school friend I haven't seen for thirty years, Alan Brown. He has come a long way for a game of squash and is disappointed I know nothing about it. Then I am with a woman at a round cafe-table whose partner arrives unexpectedly. Finally, I sit at a rectangular table opposite a BBC man I think I recognise from the past. He tells me his name a little grudgingly, but it doesn't seem relevant to anything.

At some point I am asked to 'Look for Dion(e)'. I wake with this on my mind, and wonder if she is a form of Diana (Artemis) and associated with black panthers.

Interpretation
Alan was a close school friend, whose surname helps link him to the black panther. But he is also a symbol for a spirit that has left me. The unexpected return of the woman's partner is another symbol of reunion. Even the BBC man is someone whose name I once knew.

The common factor in the 3 reunions is unreadiness, which may explain the surprising lack of enthusiasm. Squash used to be my best sport, but why is it so important to Brown? And is Brown a symbol for death and rebirth, like the brown leopard in the next dream?

Panther leaves me with a task: Look for Dion(e).

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2. Limping Panther, 31 October 2005
On the night of the dream, I spoke to my brother about his new 'Tiger' software. I use 'Panther' and plan to skip Tiger for the next generation, called 'Leopard', if I get a new computer. I also read a letter about Pauline's death from cancer.

I am with a group of people and animals in the country. A black panther turns back from the group, and I go with her realising she is 'my animal'. She has a limp (right front leg), but takes no notice. We retrace our tracks until we see a leopard in the grass, and then turn back in the original direction. Next we see a tiger on the far right, and panther tells me to hide. I ask if the tiger is bad, and panther says, No, quite fiercely or protectively. It intimates the tiger just has a different nature.

Interpretation
This first sighting of Black Panther has no sense of occasion. I only notice she is black by contrast with the brown leopard, and 'her' gender is not given in the dream.

But I know the panther is connected to me, when she separates from the group. And that's when I see her limping. She takes me to see a leopard - the next generation. This is my boundary, and represents death and rebirth.

Next, I'm shown the tiger on the far right. 'Tiger' is the present generation (of software), and too powerful for my computer. Panther asks me to hide from this generation.

Pauline's death resonates with my mother's. It is this 'death' the limping panther shows me, so I can prepare for the spirit world through some kind of withdrawal from this one.

[In March 07 I injure my knee, and two months later - limping - I see that the 'Leopard' will be introduced in October 07.]

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3. Lita Returns, 21 December 2005
The dream takes place on my mother's birthday.

I am surprised to see Lita come into the house and go upstairs to a flat, where she apparently used to live. In the communal hallway the normal light is not working, but another (new) light is on. I go outside with a pair of shorts. I don't know what I will do with them except that I turn towards my car in the drive. Suddenly the black panther stands before me - very real. I fear it will attack if I continue, but it might attack if I go back. Its claws extend and then it leaps back a few feet. Taking this for a sign, I return to the house.

Interpretation
The dream seems trivial until Panther appears at my front door. Lita (light?) is her human form - someone who had left and returns. She is from my last job. She can be snappy if threatened and also warm-hearted. She is single, independent, a loner perhaps. She had late diabetes, like my mother. She is from the Philippines with black hair. She stands her ground.

When she enters, I notice the hall light is not working but another light has appeared. She is the new Light. It is for going upstairs, ie, for the spirit.

The dream connects my shorts with Panther and the return of spirit. I think the shorts represent the eczema that caused me to leave my previous job and has been quite isolating. Panther says - I called you with this eczema, and I don't want you going out (into the world).

Panther appeared on the death of my mother's friend, and now on the birthday of my mother.

Summary: The first dream says I'm not ready to meet Panther and should look for Dione - Goddess of communication with the spirit. The second asks me to separate from the everyday world to communicate with Panther's spirit world. The third calls again for isolation to commune with the spirit. Pythagoras: 'Declining from the public ways, walk in unfrequented ways.'

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4. Jaguar Car, 30 April 2006
I resumed work on Eleusinian Dreams after a year's block. The clock showed 2.22 as I went to bed, the magic number of the Goddess (and panther). My mind was racing, and I couldn't sleep.

I am racing a darkish blue Jaguar against another car. The driver of the other car disparages the Jaguar and expects to overtake it; but his passenger is impressed to find such a good car in a small sleepy village (like Bexhill). I feel pleased and accelerate the Jag away as some roadworks blocking the road are removed.

Interpretation
The dream reflects the day's progress, as my writing block clears and I show off my new alliance with Panther. It seems positive and affirming, as the part of me that doubted Panther is proved wrong. But is it right for I (ego) to be driving the Jaguar? Or for animal to become machine? Hasn't Panther really come to prepare me for the spiritual world - here or hereafter?

A race may be unseemly in the spirit world - where the first will be last, and the last first. If it is fuelled by insecurity, perhaps the book is too.

The car has a particular and beautiful shade of blue, with a name I can't remember. It is clearly related to Panther, and may be my soul-vehicle. But I must misuse it, if 5 months later the book is blocked again.

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5. Alan Brown, 12 December 2006
After my work on Eleusinian Dreams stopped again in October, I took a break 'in' the world. An attack of chest pain followed, which a dream called a 'bee sting'. In December I began work on some live Eleusinian dreams, which became a turning point from theory to practice.

The workforce is sleeping in one large dormitory. Somebody warns that the site manager is cutting people's hair as they sleep, and in the darkness I hear scissors. Then the manager appears in an expensive suit with subtle, coloured stripes. He gives me a brief, knowing look, before announcing to everyone that he is leaving and will be replaced by 3 managers - 2 comparatively decent types plus Alan Brown (who was not part of the company). The departing manager seems delighted, but I think he may be pretending (as he cannot be trusted).

Next I see a full head of brown hair, and recognise Alan Brown. A female friend is telling me something as he says hello, and there is a twinkle in his eye as he asks if he should kiss me. Clearly he knows I'm gay and is perfectly comfortable with it, but I know he isn't and so I say no with mild, mock horror and a smile. Nevertheless, he kisses me on both cheeks and I withdraw just in case he tries the mouth, which he doesn't. He is very happy to see me, and looks noble (if that's the word). I am pleased to see him, but also trying to digest the significance of this unexpected turn of events.

Interpretation
The sleeping 'workforce' is me - blocked with the book, and spiritually sleeping. The hair-cut signifies a loss (or sacrifice) of libido to free the block: and so it is followed by the full head of brown hair. I (ego) am cautious.

Thus Brown does seem to represent death (sacrifice) and rebirth (renewal), like the leopard in 'Limping Panther'. He 'heads' a new trinity of better management, whose first act is to acknowledge my homosexuality. And his 'nobility' suggests spiritual development.

A friend, Ruth, sees the dormitory as a monastery, and the hair-cut an initiating tonsure.

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6. Maranatha , 15 March 2007
Ruth and I worked on the meaning of Pontormo's painting 'Vertumnus and Pomona'. Then a week of intense dreams led me to the World Community of Christian Meditation:

Their mantra, 'mar-an-ath-a', is not working and I try to meditate without it. But as my mind stills, the mantra returns. The four syllables enter softly, and more slowly than before, like the stealthy footfalls of Panther: the meditation takes off. Returning home, I see that a new species of leopard has appeared in Borneo.

Interpretation
Panther seems to approve the meditation.

The week of dreams ended with a film on Carthusian monks ('Into Great Silence') and 2 dreams. In the first dream: I am sitting in a theatre, unable to escape, as a bear approaches. It lies on top of me and I feel a surprising warmth, comfort and peace. Who is the bear? I think of St Bruno, founder of the Carthusians.

Bruno connects with the monastic tonsure of 'Alan Brown', and Panther's call to hide from the world. And 'bruno' means 'brown'. So in my first meditation class, the panther of Dione and Dionysus joins the bear of Bruno (and Diana) at WCCM - the 'monastery without walls'.

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